I don't know, I'm not happy and I'm not sad. I want to cry!!!

This post is shit, Full of breakage, Don't read it.

Maybe this is the 1st time I post about myself.
I'm in the worst situation possible these days, Maybe the main reason is me being moody to a great extent.
I and you can't tell whether I want something or not, Whether I'm happy or not.
It has been more than a week now and I'm unable to work.
I don't know what's wrong.
This is nt me, Am I disappointed ? Is it because some php and javascript coding ? I hate both but that's not the situation!

Is it because I'm being ignored from someone ? Maybe ? Wish I know.

I started to hate my job though I was happy with it, I remember oneday I was jumping happily in the office.
Is it small things that accumulate ?
I remember I left my old job because of soo many small things. I think because of more serious things. I'm not sure.
Why didn't I go to Dubai ? I think it's better for me to stay here, But I still think that there's better. No, I'm not sure.
Why do I hate that one of my closest friends'll travel to a place ? I'm not sure that I hate it. And If I hate it it's not because he'll be away or I won't see him or even because I'm afraid that something might happen to him.
And when he found that he can't do it I discover that I'm happy because of this yet I feel bad because I didn't want him to go for a couple of days and becase he wanted to go and that it's better for him.

I'm broken ? I don't know what to do.
I want to cry but unable to.
Do I need a psychologist ? I always solve any problems myself thus I never sit down and talk to myself.
People might think that I'm strong. Maybe I'm not that strong but pretending to be ?

What can I do ?